No longer in Kenya (aaah!) but still a Kenyan at heart...

Tuesday, 1 December 2009

Another session...

So this 'lady' - and I say that loosely, has me by the short and curly's. I'm a complete sobbing idiot when I walk out of her rooms... And yes, it's probably the right thing that's happening, but geez like - why am I such an emotional mess. Maybe because it's now December and last year this time I was surrounded by people all the time, but I've never felt lonelier. Maybe it's because Dawie was very ill during this time and I managed to sleep all of an hour or two a day caring for him. And maybe it's because all these memories are surfacing at the moment, and they are pretty painful.

Also not really sleeping at the moment - can't keep 'stuff' out of my head, and this means that I basically lie awake most of the night thinking. This leads to me being tired the next day and not really being able to give my work it's all, which means I'm falling behind, which means I need to put in extra time to catch up - nice vicious circle hey? Will be going on leave for a few weeks on the 15Th, but that is still two weeks away, so have to cope with the here and now.

And then, to top it all my little nephew (7 years young) is diagnosed with leukemia... Poor little guy - such a terrible thing to go trough, and he is such a sensitive child as well. I know the doctors say there is a 96% chance of it going into remission, but it still means he has to go trough the treatments and that opens all shorts of wounds.

Sorry - I sound like a real agony auntie - all about what is wrong instead of looking at some of the positives. I should be thankful about so much, but it all seems a little infantile at the moment... I'm sure the sun will shine again, and I'm sure it will even shine on me, but at this specific moment I don't really feel that.

TTFN

3 comments:

Rob Inukshuk said...

You know the sun will shine one day, but right now you are in the middle of one hellova storm and you are meant to be miserable, you are meant to be having a hard time of it. This is the right thing to be experiencing. You keep up with the therapist. Little step by little step.

I am so sorry to hear of your nephew. Not good news, but one must be positive that the Docs know what they're doing.

A Lewis said...

Thinking of your nephew and the rest of your family today. Wishes upon wishes for good things to start happening soon!

gishungwa said...

All i can think of is you nephew, rest assured that your family especially him are in my prayers. I pray for you better times in the new year. Sending love and hugs. Chin up!