No longer in Kenya (aaah!) but still a Kenyan at heart...

Thursday 12 March 2009

Annoyed and other stuff.

Maybe it's something to do with my crappy internet connection but I'm (once again) unable to upload pictures.

Mommy is not happy!

Other stuff:

Time seems to be going to fast - I'm worried that I'll forget Dawie or lose something while this year speeds along. I know it sounds silly - I miss him terribly, I want him to still be here but life just seems to be carrying on regardless. My grief is 'just there' and not really part of my world anymore. Silly, I know, but true.

I've trown myself into things at an alarming rate and have not taken the time to really grieve. Been busy with stuff, been busy traveling, been busy with gardening, a new car, last will and testaments, policies, work, people, work, etc etc. But not busy with dealing with things. This is so typically me - don't face the difficult stuff, just do something else to keep you busy.

How do you close a book if you feel that you have not read it to the end?

How do you stop feeling so damn lonely even if you're surrounded by people?

How do I stop feeling so sorry for myself?

Sorry, just not such a great day...

TTFN

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I went through a lot of the same stuff when I lost my beloved mama.

Its not the same in any respect but all I can say is there are various stages of grief and all you can do is ride the waves when they come, have your family around you and never beat yourself up for having 'off' days. You're human, you love Dawie and miss him terribly.

But at the end of it, you are human- you're not feeling 'sorry for yourself', you are grieving.

Love

Wilde

gishungwa said...

((((Billy)))No matter what Dawie will always be i your heart and part of your life, no matter what.
I wish you well

A Lewis said...

You know, I'm not sure that the book will ever be truly "closed." Why force it? Let it happen naturally, in its own time. My father has been gone 15 years this week....and rarely a day goes by that I don't think about him, remember him, appreciate him, even get some tears over it. I'm not trying to close that chapter. I mean, embrace the face that Dawie was, indeed, a giant factor of happiness in your life....embrace his contributions that he made to you....love it, love him. Let the book remain open in a positive, good, healthy, embracing sort of way.

Anonymous said...

Oh Honey...You will never forget
Dawie...Things are just getting a
little easier for you to handle...
Don't worry...It's the way Dawie
would want it...It's just a sign
that you are strong and you are
never really alone...

TACKLE YOU HUGS!!!!!!!!

Laurie

Anonymous said...

Hey, I think you've been given some great advice here. Make time to mourn fully and know that it's not over after a particular time period. He is and will be a part of you always.

You are also meant to go on living. I'm sure he would have wanted it that way, so I guess you're doing it right.